


Broken Hearts in Monaco

by WritingYay



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Break Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Loss, M/M, Multiple chapters, Oli is the best, Party, Swearing, YouTube, Zoe is a good sister, buttercreams - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-06-21 05:36:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15550800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingYay/pseuds/WritingYay
Summary: It was supposed to be the trip of a lifetime, a prestigious YouTube party with all of their best friends. Even Monaco can't save a broken relationship, it turns out.Sometimes, you have to do whatever it takes to get back the person you love. Joe Sugg discovers that the hard way.





	1. Hope for Monaco

“The car’s coming in ten minutes!” Joe yells up the stairs and raises his eyebrows pointedly at Byron who’s giggling on the sofa behind him. “I’m fully prepared to leave without you.”

“Like you’d want to do this whole weekend without me by your side.” A voice drifts from the top balcony and Joe rolls his eyes. “We’re cute like that.”

Byron snorts into his tea and dutifully ignores the daggers Joe sends him as he double checks that the plane tickets are in his bag and not still on the side where they’d been thrown last night.

“If he makes me late…” Joe warns Byron and shrugs on a hoodie. Byron fixes him with a knowing look over the rim of his mug and shakes his head.

“He’s not going to make you late.” Joe’s old roommate reassures him and gestures to Joe’s phone on the coffee table when Joe starts frantically patting down his pockets for it. “You know he wouldn’t do that to you.”

Joe sighs heavily and whispers under his breath. “Wouldn’t he?”

Byron picks up on it and furrows his eyebrows in confusion. “Still arguing?”

“Uh…” Joe knows that Bryon won’t let him avoid the question and rests his hands on his hips in a defensive stance. “Like I told you a few weeks back, it’s just been tense, more than normal. I’m sure it’s just a bad patch.”

Silence descends on the old pair until Byron breaks it by standing from the sofa to place his mug in the dishwasher. 

“Yeah.” There’s something still clouding his expression though and it causes Joe to freeze. “It probably is, bro. Nothing to worry about. Everyone has their bad patches.” He sends Joe a gentle smile but the older man can still see the slight frown in Byron’s features.

There’s the sound of limbs contacting with a solid object, followed by a string of soft curses and then Jack shouting down the stairs, “Why is this bloody chair still here?”

“Mikey’s sister still wants it for their new house so he’s picking it up when we get back.” Joe calls back at him and Byron laughs.

“I still can’t believe you and Jack put down Mikey and Josh as your plus ones so you all get to go.” He shakes his head and Joe grins. “I’ve never seen Mikey look so offended when you offered.”

Joe shrugged. “It didn’t seem fair that Jack, Oli, Caspar and I- even Conor for fuck’s sake- got invited to the Youtuber White Party and those two didn’t. Especially when they’ve both worked so hard on their channels recently… I don’t know, it didn’t seem right that they weren’t going. This way, we’re all going, apart from you of course.”

Byron seems to glow when he smiles at this. “Sorry dude, but I’ve got a baby due in two days and I’m not risking missing the birth by going to a weekend long shit-storm in Monaco.”

Joe’s heart swells. “Shit, I can’t believe you could be a Dad any day now. How’s Poppy doing?”

“She’s tired, but good. Nervous I think.” Byron replies and goes to put on his shoes. “I wish you’d let me drive you two to the airport instead of paying for a car.”

“And what would you have done if Pops had gone into labour when you were driving us over? Nah, bro, thanks for the offer though. Thanks for coming to wave us off too, that’s sweet of you.” Joe claps him on the back and opens his mouth to remind Jack for the thirty seventh time that they’d be leaving any minute now when Jack appeared at the stairs to drag his suitcase down. 

His blonde hair was reverting more back to its natural shade; the bleach blonde highlights only clinging on to the tips now. In one of Joe’s hoodies, a pair of sweatpants and sunglasses perched on his head, he looked warm and soft and Joe didn’t miss how his chest panged with want whenever he looked at his boyfriend. Just because they hadn’t been getting on as well recently didn’t alter the fact that he was still head-over-heels in love with the younger man, even after four years together. 

“Fucking hell I’ve over packed.” Jack mutters and looks at Joe through his eyelashes shyly. “You all ready?”

“As ready as I was twenty minutes ago.” He winks at Jack who just scoffs and grabs the last of his stuff.

“Please don’t get too hammered in Monaco.” Byron reminds them and opens the door to gesture them into the hallway. “I don’t live here anymore so the hangovers when you get back won’t bother me, but in case you become godparents this weekend; I don’t want you vomiting over my child when they’re here, please.”

“Byron, bro, you severely underestimate us.” Jack slaps a hand over his heart in mock offence.

“I lived with you two for over a year before I got married.” Byron eyes him up dryly. “Believe me, I’m not underestimating anything.”


	2. Tension under the Monegasque sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Joe's insecurities and Jack's selfishness reach breaking point, everything comes crashing down around them.

The flight to Nice airport from Heathrow takes two hours and Joe sleeps for the whole thing. He’s fairly sure there are new awful mugshots of him asleep cluttering up Jack’s phone but he doesn’t really care because within an hour of landing, he’s sat in a plush Range Rover with Jack’s head resting on his shoulder on the way to the five star Monegasque hotel they’ve all taken over.

“You got here quickly!” Caspar practically yells into Joe’s face when he yanks the car door open when they arrive after the relatively short drive. Joe just frowns at him and gently pushes him backwards so that he can actually get out of the vehicle.

“Have you been waiting for us?” Joe asks incredulously, very confused as to why his best friend was the one who greeted them and not a staff member of their hotel.

“Yep, I’ve been sat by the front steps since you texted to say you’d landed.” Joe’s informed as Jack takes a running jump at a grinning Conor; who yelps in happy surprise at his sudden armful of his younger brother. 

“Cas?” Joe pokes Caspar in the back of the head to get his attention as the South African starts taking their bags from their driver. “That was over an hour ago?”

Caspar just smiles widely. “I know.”

Joe nods and doesn’t push it, instead he laughs softly and makes a remark about Josh giving Caspar additives again. 

The hotel is beautiful- all arching marble beams and potted plants dotted everywhere- and Jack surveys the grand lobby with saucer wide eyes and a gasp perched on his lips. Joe nudges him with his shoulder teasingly and snorts when Jack gives him the middle finger. Gardens languidly stretch out from the reception area and there are infinity pools cascading next to the silver-dipped day beds. Roses and ivy cling to the sides of the stone doors opening up to the grounds and the air seems cleaner and crisper. 

The rest of the group discover their arrival about five minutes later, just as Caspar finally located one of the party’s organisers to check them in. Joe hugs them all good-naturedly and comments on the solidity of Marcus’ hair before Caspar’s handing them two room keys.

“Why two rooms?” Jack questions Caspar who just shrugs and slips an arm round Ambar’s waist. 

“The organisers- those dudes who work for YouTube- gave every single person their own room.” Oli pipes up with a wave of his hand. “Maybe it will be a blessing when we undoubtedly drink too much and fight with our girlfriends.”

Evie elbows him in the ribs with a grimace and Joe laughs at Oli’s terrified yelp.

“There must be loads of us then?”

Josh nods enthusiastically and slips his sunglasses into the neck of his fitted white t-shirt. “There’s loads of people mate; apparently the majority of the party guests are here now and you can’t bloody move for Influencers around the pool.”

“Everyone’s giving away their merch by the pool bar.” Marcus informs them with a cheeky smile that Oli rolls his eyes at when everyone wolf-whistles. “I’m surprised our own Oli White isn’t out there with a banner yet.”

Oli flips him off as Jack laughs and turns to Joe to look meaningfully at the ceiling.

Joe gets the hint and picks up his bags. “We’re gonna go and dump our stuff and then we’ll be down- meet you guys out there yeah?”

They get teasing looks in response and a few raised eyebrows from the more immature boys which Jack retaliates with a loud ‘fuck off’ as they pile into the nearest available lift. Jack leans against the mirrored wall and studies both of the room keys with focused intent. 

“I don’t think we’re gonna be on the same floor.” He murmurs.

“Why?” Joe asks with a yawn and Jack chucks him one of the keys.

“201 and 415? Definitely not.”

Joe’s heart sinks. “That’s fucking annoying.”

Jack smirks and stretches his arms above his head, his abdomen peeking through the flimsy material of his football shirt. “We don’t have to use both rooms, idiot. There aren’t any rules on us being separate.”

Their eyes catch heatedly over their luggage and Joe raises his eyebrows when Jack bites his lip suggestively. “You’re a horny bitch.” Joe informs his boyfriend but nevertheless grabs Jack by the belt loops and pulls him in until their lips are a breath apart. “I’ll still fuck you into the mattress though.”

Jack’s eyes flicker shut. “£200 if you can make me scream so loud we get a noise complaint?”

Joe’s tongue flicks across his lower lip before they melt together like candles; their lips meeting hungrily, Jack’s hands sliding up the back of Joe’s top. “Challenge accepted.” Joe tells him before the lift halts with a shudder, the doors sliding open onto the brightly lit hallway.

Jack slaps Joe’s ass as they haul the luggage out onto the carpet. He hands Joe the key and rolls his eyes after Joe’s wiggled it around in the lock for too long. Eventually, the lock gives way and they throw their bags down in an expensive looking executive suite with a huge King sized bed in the middle. A cream wall spirals down the left hand side to reveal a huge bathroom with a wet room and double wardrobe- chandeliers perched high on the carved ceiling. There was a dressing table opposite the bed with Prosecco on ice and a hand-written note from the YouTube team welcoming them to Monaco. 

Jack’s phone vibrates. He checks it and slowly starts to grin; it takes a second for Joe to guess exactly who the message is from.

“Is she here this weekend?”

Jack looks up and scrunches his nose. “Of course she is.”

Joe desperately tries to ignore the well-known feeling of his stomach flipping.

His boyfriend’s eyebrows deepen and he frowns. “Joe…”

“I didn’t say anything.” Joe snaps before schooling his face into mild blankness. “Didn’t say a word.”

“You don’t need to say anything.” Jack tests him and Joe sighs because he really doesn’t want to have an argument already- they just arrived for fucks sake. “I thought we were over this?”

Previous fights and 2 am chats swirl around in Joe’s head; her texts, her visits to their house out of the blue, her lack of personal space… all those other girls…

“-can’t believe you actually still-… Joe? Are you listening?”

Joe looks up to see Jack’s pissed off frown glowering at him. “Of course. You’re friends, she’s seeing someone, and I don’t have to be so insecure, blah blah blah…” 

Jack’s grimace deepens and he pockets his phone with a resounding huff. “Are you purposefully trying to ruin this weekend?”

“What?!” Joe exclaims and throws his hands skywards in annoyance. “I couldn’t care less that Andrea Russett is here this weekend. I’m not surprised that she’s been invited to a prestigious YouTube event- I couldn’t fucking care less, Jack.”

Jack blinks, shocked. Then, very slowly and very carefully, he fires back: “Jealously looks shitty on you.”

Rage builds in Joe’s stomach like an inferno. “I’m not jealous of her. I’m wary of her, as you damn know, because you two used to fuck and I know that she wants you back.”

“No you don’t!” Jack suddenly shouts, making Joe step back a little. “She knows that I’m with you, that I love you, and she accepts and respects that. Joe, baby, you’re making her out to be this monster in your head and she’s just not. You’ve met her loads of times! She’s always been lovely to you, remember?”

Joe remembers vacant eyes and teeth like switchblades. He remembers curves and doe eyes and her humour. He remembers Jack looking at her like she’d hung the moon in the sky.

“Yeah.” He replies tonelessly, knowing full well that any fight nowadays could tip them over the edge. “I’m just- sorry. She puts me on edge, that’s all.”

Jack’s face softens and he reaches out to pull Joe to his chest, muscly arms wrapping around his waist.

“It’s okay.” He mouths into Joe’s neck. “You have to trust me, and her. Nothing’s going to- or has- happened.”

Joe nods, inhaling the rich scent of Jack’s cologne. “Okay.”

“Right.” His boyfriend pulls back and claps him on the back. “Let’s get changed and go down to the pool. A drink might do us good.”  
“Not the flamingos, Jack.” Joe reminds him with a forced smile. Jack pouts.

“Didn’t you pack my flamingo trunks?”

Joe laughs and rolls his eyes. “Funnily enough, no, I didn’t. They’re horrendous.”

Jack shrugs. “Fair enough. That’s okay.” Then he’s reaching into his bag and pulling out light blue material triumphantly. “Because I did, just before we left.”

“You little shit.” Joe gasps and goes to wrestle them from Jack’s hands, who falls backwards onto the bed with laughter. 

-

The pool bar looks inviting, free bottles of champagne and pink cocktails lining the mosaic counter with various YouTubers and Influencers dotted round drinking and having fun. Joe surveys them all with a content sigh and sips at his glass of champagne- happy to have a moment of peace.

Suddenly there’s two hands gripping his waist and Joe whirls around ready to give a stranger a bollocking when he comes face to face with large black sunglasses and curly blonde hair.

“Louise, you psycho!” He laughs as the older woman squeals and pulls him in for a loose hug. “I didn’t know you were coming?”

Louise pulls off her sunglasses with a huff and pokes him in the shoulder. “I wasn’t going to bother, especially after your sister ditched me last minute, but then Liam offered to take the girls for a weekend away and I thought, sod it, so I came.”

Jack pops up behind her then with what looks like WKD in a champagne glass in one hand. “Hey Lou!” He kisses her on the cheek. “You look lovely.”

She giggles loudly and taps him fondly with a long nail against his jaw. “You’re looking good too babe, all toned and tanned and-…” Her eyes drift down to his swim shorts in horror. “Are they flamingos?”

A whoop echoes around them, cutting Jack off before he can defend his horrific choice of swimwear, and then there’s a swarm of YouTubers crowding around the bar.

Louise greets them all with a massive grin, her reunion with Caspar lasting the longest. They rib each other their lack of tans in 30 degree heat and Caspar introduces her to Ambar. Joe’s heart swells, all of his friends laughing and joking with each other under the Monegasque sun. 

“These canapes taste of shit.” Mikey raucously declares, emerging from the shade with a look of disdain. “Thank god there’s free alcohol.”

“Oi, you ungrateful fuck.” Jack flicks the back of his head and Mikey yelps. “We didn’t have to bring you as our plus one, you know. I would’ve happily left you in England, but luckily for you Joe is a better person than I am.”

Josh chuckles next to them and turns to Joe with an enthusiastic bow. “Thank you so much for kindly bringing me to this weekend as your plus one.” He loudly states in a hyperbolic British accent. “I am eternally grateful for your goodwill and your urge to help people worse off than you.”

Jack crumbles into hysterics at Josh as Mikey just frowns at them both and wonders off to find more food.

“Honestly though, cheers, yeah?” Josh slaps Joe on the shoulder seriously and Joe nods back with a warm smile.

“Welcome, dude.”

Conor arrives then, after failing to chat up some American vloggers near the pool. He helps himself to a shot and flings himself onto a sun-lounger.

“I love being famous and successful.” He sighs and stretches his arms over his head in a display of relaxation. 

“What are you actually doing here again?” Oli asks him and snorts when Conor tells him to go fuck himself.

“Are you performing then Conor?” Louise raises her voice over the hubbub and Conor nods.

“Yeah, at the White Party tonight.” Conor answers and gestures with his drink in a ‘cheers’ motion. “New single.”

“They couldn’t get Anth.” Jack jokes. “So they asked the B Team instead.”

Josh dissolves into laughter at Conor’s face and Jack cheekily sticks his tongue out at his brother. 

“Fucking hell, it’s like the TV Presenter rejects over here!” A very loud Geordie voice brashly shouts from behind Joe. He turns to see the widely grinning face of Will, being trailed by Cal, skipping up to the group like an overgrown child. They hug happily, excitement shining in Will’s eyes as he makes his way round the crowd, greeting everybody like old friends.

“Fuck knows what he’s on.” Cal tells him and Jack, removing his sunglasses to reveal his already-hungover purple ringed eyes. “It’s like having a five year old.”

“He called me at two am yesterday because he didn’t know what to wear for the party.” Josh explains fondly, looking over to see Will absolutely towering over Conor.

“We’re at a prestigious party weekend in a rich country.” Cal scoffs. “Will’s treating it like a world summit.”

Mikey wanders back over then, carrying one of the crisp bowls they were supposed to leave on the table.

“Hey, is your sister not here?” Cal asks Joe. 

“No, she’s had to stay in England and do promo shoots for the new Zoella Beauty range that’s coming out soon.” Joe replies with a smile. “It was a bit last minute and couldn’t be rearranged again, otherwise she’d be here.”

“And Alfie decided to stay at home and help her with it, instead of being in a beautiful country, in the sun, at a party with all his mates.” Caspar joins him and Marcus shakes his head next to him.

“The boring git.”

“I think it’s sweet that he’s supporting her.” Ambar defends and frowns at Caspar and Marcus.

“Me too.” Mikey agrees and puffs out his chest. “If I had ‘Diet Starts Tomorrow’ stuff to do then I wouldn’t be here either.”

“Shut up about your bloody sweet boxes!” Jack groans and tips his head back in annoyance. “Zoe’s business is a multi-million pound one and yours doesn’t even make you enough to cover you a year’s rent! Nobody would care if you missed a weekend of work to come here!”

“Mikey, you weren’t even invited- you’re Jack’s plus one.” Conor interjects and Mikey swears profusely at him. “Hardly the same thing.”

The irritating ping of a loudspeaker vibrates over the gardens and Joe groans as a guy dressed in a YouTube polo shirt climbs onto a platform near one of the pools and smiles broadly.

“Your attention please, ladies and gentlemen?”

A quiet hum bristles around the many guests as they all turn to watch the loudspeaker guy with bored glances.

“My name is Jordan and I work for YouTube- I’m also your Head Organiser this weekend.” Jordan tells them, a strong American accent bellowing from the loudspeaker. “I and my brilliant team would like to welcome each and every one of you to our YouTuber White Party this weekend in beautiful Monaco.”

Mikey elbows Jack. “See, even me.” Jack snorts.

“This prestigious weekend is aimed at celebrating the best content makers on our platform: you guys. Your wide variety of videos and further content has inspired, educated, comforted and energised billions of audiences throughout the world, and we thank you. Without all of you, YouTube would be nothing. You are the driving force, and this weekend is for you.”

A few claps start to catch throughout the crowd.

“So please, enjoy. Relax today and party hard tonight at the White Party. If you need anything, feel free to speak to any of the organisers and I sincerely wish you an amazing time. Thanks!”

Jordan signs off with a short bow and they all clap politely. 

“This feels like a business retreat.” Marcus smiles and Will nods.

“We’ll have team building exercises next.” He agrees.  
“Does anyone want another drink?” Joe asks the group helpfully and looks round to find Jack, who has moved from next to Mikey.

“Where did Jack go?” He asks the younger guy, who wordlessly points to the other side of the bar with a mouth full of crisps.

Jack was chatting animatedly with a short brunette girl, who was dressed in a barely-there navy bikini with wedge sandals. He couldn’t see her face, but knew exactly who she was.

“Is that Andrea Russett?” Cal wonders aloud and Josh glares at him. 

“Yeah.” Joe swallows, suddenly very in need of a drink. “Looks like it.”

“She’s well fit.” Evie pipes up and Ambar nods, admiration clear on both their faces.

“Her and Jack friends then?” Will asks, crossing his arms.

“They’re…” Oli begins but Joe cuts him off.

“They had a thing…” He tells Will, whose faces resigns into shock.

“What, before you?”

“Yeah, of course.” Josh rolls his eyes and tactfully stands right in front of him. “Come on, let’s send Brian pictures of this and make him jealous.”

They amble off to the gardens, leaving Joe with Mikey.

“Hey.” Mikey elbows Joe comfortingly. “Don’t let her spoil your weekend, yeah? They’re just friends.”

Joe nods, trying to look convincing. “Yeah, I know.”

-

An hour later, Jack’s got an arm snaked around Andrea’s slim waist as she looks up at him in mesmerised awe.

Joe slams his glass down on the table and turns to Josh with a forced smile plastered to his face.

“Is he actually fucking kidding me?” He asks his best friend through incredibly gritted teeth. Josh sighs sympathetically and shakes his head at Jack now trying to lift Andrea into a fireman’s lift.

“I don’t know what to say, Joe.”

“I do.” Will pipes up next to him and chucks his phone next to Joe’s glass. He’s swaying slightly and there’s a slight tilt to his eyelids that suggests he’d had three Sambuca’s too many. “He’s obviously flirting with a girl he used to hook up with right in front of your face. Not to punish you or to make you jealous, but because he doesn’t care about your reaction. Its arsehole behaviour, mate. Believe me, I should know.” Will then slides Josh’s glass from out of his loose grip and starts to gently chug the champagne in it.

Josh forcibly removes the glass from his friend and puts it back down out of Will’s reach, who just stares at it mournfully in a silent daze.

“Stephen.” He mouths to Joe and well… wow… that wasn’t something Joe wanted to know about at that moment. 

“Is he doing this on purpose? Because he knows what I think of her?”

“I hope not.” Josh admits truthfully and sighs, wiping his palms on his legs. “But I’m not Jack. He can’t realise what it looks like from our point of view.”

“I’ve hardly spoken to him since we came down.” Joe hisses. “They text all the time, it’s not like they haven’t seen each other in a while.”

Josh holds his hands up; placating. “Bro, just, calm down.”

“I know, I just- I know.” Joe says and presses the heels of his palms into his eyes sockets. His temples pulse erratically.

Josh sighs and looks over to Jack again. “Talk to him.”

Joe looks up and gazes over to his boyfriend. “Yeah.”

He then steps over the low table and weaves through the people in front of Jack. Josh hisses from behind him: “Not now, you fucker! Not when she’s right there!”

Joe ignores him and plasters a fake smile on his face until he sidles right up next to Jack.

“Hey Andrea!” He chimes and Andrea stares up at him, shocked. She blinks, once, twice and mirrors Joe’s forced grin with one of her own.

“Joe! How are you?”

He lets her kiss him on both cheeks and ignores the confused and slightly annoyed look on Jack’s features. 

“Yeah I’m good. You? Enjoying the sun?”

Andrea chuckles and arches her back in an exaggerated stretch. “Mm, yeah, I’ve been in Canada recently so it’s nice to have some warmth!”

Joe smiles quickly and turns to Jack. “Sorry to bother you both, I was just going to ask my boyfriend if he wanted another drink?”

Andrea notices, and ignores, the quip from Joe about Jack being his, and instead nods.

“That’s okay.”

Jack falsely grins and holds up a cocktail glass, his knuckles turning white around the stem.

“I’ve still got this, thanks.”

Joe’s eyes burn into Jack’s for a moment, before he shrugs his shoulders.

“Good.”

Andrea shifts her weight to her other foot awkwardly and gestures to a group of people to her left. “I’m just gonna go and catch up with a few old friends. I’ll see you later, yeah?”

She looks meaningfully to Jack, smiles at Joe and wanders off, her tanned torso swaying as she strutted away.

Jack holds his fake smile until she was gone, then turns to Joe with a look of exasperation.

“What are you doing now?” 

Joe rolls his eyes. “Asking if you wanted another drink.”

Jack groans and runs a hand through his hair. “I thought I got through to you earlier.”

“There isn’t a problem.” Joe assures him, but the deep frown still resting on his brow told another story. “I told you.”

“Stop being a child.” Jack mutters and puts his cocktail down onto the bar.

“I’m not.” Joe grounds out.

“You came over here because you thought I was flirting with her, and you wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to fuck her in our bed.” Jack clarifies and slides his sunglasses over his eyes. “I’m going to find Conor.”

“Not that it’s true,” Joe fires back, his heartbeat increasing. “But would you blame me for thinking that? She was trying to climb you like a tree.”

“Come back and talk to me when you’ve grown up.” Jack snaps angrily and Joe holds his ground.

“Come back and talk to me when you’ve stopped flirting with your old girlfriend in front of our friends.” He retaliates and swears under his breath when Jack flips him off as he walks away.

“Fuck’s sake.” He swears, knowing too well that Josh is looking at him pityingly. Joe inhales deeply, and goes to find some more alcohol.

-

A few hours later, Joe was dressed in a freshly ironed, fitted white shirt with white jeans, white converses and a Rolex with a white ribbed strap. Jack looked pretty much the same, except he chose to wear ivory chinos and white Vans with gold laces.

Tension still pulsed between them and they hadn’t exchanged two words in more than three hours. Joe was slowly tiring of their frequent and stupid fights, so he left Jack doing his hair in the room and went to meet Caspar at the bar.

“They’re always together, always texting.” Joe mutters solemnly into his vodka. “Every time I turn around, she’s there, flirting with him, touching him…”

“He’s still denying there’s nothing more?”

“If I knew they were just friends, it wouldn’t matter.” Joe continues, ignoring Caspar. “I have loads of girlfriends, so does he, and that’s fine but- they used to hook up, they used to have sex on a regular basis and that’s what bothers me. I wouldn’t put it past her to attempt to get him back into bed.”

“But you trust Jack, right?” Caspar enquires with a frown.

Joe glares at him from the corner of his eye. “Would you trust Jack?” Caspar falters and Joe groans into his drink. “Exactly.”

“You’ve been together for four years, Joe.” Caspar reminds him and Joe sighs heavily. “He completely loves you, and you love him… I just can’t see him doing that to you. He so obviously flirting with Andrea and all those other girls recently is shitty, yes, and he shouldn’t get away with that. But actually cheating? On you? Sorry, I just don’t see it.”

Silence falls on the pair as Joe digests his best friend’s words. “No, me neither.” He admits. “I still feel fucking insecure, though, all the damn time.”

Caspar smiles at him pityingly. “You need to get through to him then. If he was Ambar, I’d definitely be having a long chat about why it’s upsetting me. Communication, dude, you’re normally the best at it.”

“I know.” Joe nods slowly and quirks his mouth up into a quick smile. “Thanks.”

The younger man shrugs and downs his Malibu. “S’alright.”

Oli lowers himself onto a stool next to Joe with a wince and orders himself a vodka coke. His white suit jacket makes him look like a Waitrose fishmonger, and Joe takes great enjoyment in telling him so.

“Jack not down yet?” Oli asks tentatively after he’d nearly pushed a giggling Joe off his barstool. 

“Nah.” Joe replies as his face hardens and downs more vodka. “Being an arsehole takes a lot of work, so…”

Oli and Caspar exchange a look over his head before Oli’s clearing his throat.

“I know it’s none of my business, but what’s going on between you? Josh said Jack was hardcore flirting with Andrea earlier and then apparently you stormed off.”

Joe sighs, feeling truly exhausted. “I’m sure you’ve noticed that we’ve been up shit creek without a paddle for the last few months and it looks like we’re heading into the: we’ve-fucked-this-up ocean.”

“Aw, mate.” Oli whispers sadly and places a hand on Joe’s shoulder. “We’ve the noticed the tension, yeah, but I didn’t realise it was this bad?”

“He’s texting other girls, as well as the stuff with Andrea.” Caspar informs Oli, who doesn’t hide his surprise. 

“He’s still doing that?!”

Joe feels tears prick the back of his eyelids and clears his throat loudly. “Yep.”

“Jack’s not a bad person.” Oli states clearly. “He just makes stupid choices.” 

“You’re not a stupid choice though.” Caspar quickly adds. “You were the best decision he’s ever made.”

The vodka burns down Joe’s throat and he subconsciously chokes on it. “Emphasis on the ‘were’.” He mutters and ignores the way his hands are trembling. “I don’t think I’ll remain to be his best decision.”

Caspar blanches. “Joe…”

“Are we going to this party then?” Joe interrupts and slams his glass down on the table, making both his friends jump. “Might as well try and enjoy it.”

He marches off towards the massive ballroom and balconies which were already thrumming with people dressed in white; angels dancing with grinning faces and Jaeger instead of wings. The rest of the boys and girls cheer when the three of them join and Joe can’t bear to look at the love glistening on Evie’s and Ambar’s faces. Instead, he grabs the shot that Mikey’s offering him and knocks it back in one. If anyone noticed Jack’s absence, they didn’t say anything. He laughs as Mikey and Josh coerce him into a large game of beer pong with other vloggers swathed in pearl silk and diamonds, enjoying the freedom momentarily. 

Hours pass as everybody eventually falls into the evil clutches of alcohol, some passed out on chaise-lounges and others having dance battles on the luminescent floor. Joe feels light and giggly as he and Ambar exchange bad photos of Caspar on their phones, Ambar losing it at the photos of the blow up doll. He hadn’t seen Jack since the party began, not that he was complaining.

“Hey, Joe.” Louise comes out of nowhere, her shoes long gone and what looks like a straw through her bun. She looks panicked as she crouches down in front of them and Joe frowns.

“Lou?”

“Don’t look now.” His friend calmly states and wraps her shawl tighter around her body. “But Jack’s dancing with Andrea and I think you should know.”

Confused, Joe hauls himself up with Ambar’s support and searches the room wildly for his boyfriend.

Everything goes into slow motion, and his heart plummets. 

There, in the middle of the floor, was Jack. Not just Jack, but Andrea too, with her arms wrapped around Jack’s neck and her body tightly pressed against his. Their lips were a whisper away and then Andrea was closing her eyes-

Joe doesn’t think, he just stalks into the crowd, grabs Andrea by the wrist and throws her off Jack.

“What the actual fuck-“

Joe’s voice drops a few octaves and quakes with fury. He looks between a bewildered Andrea and Jack- whose eyes are mirroring Joe’s, burning with anger- with a snarl.

“-do you think you’re doing?”

The party guests around them fall into shocked silence. Jack draws himself up to his full height and pushes Joe backwards roughly.

“The balcony, now.” He hisses furiously and Joe scoffs, but follows him anyway. He doesn’t miss Jack whispering an apology to Andrea as he passes her and it makes him want to scream.

Luckily, the ground floor balcony was empty of people, stragglers long gone. Jack slams the door behind them and whirls to Joe with clenched fists.

“Of all the childish, rude, disrespectful, bloody psychotic things you have ever done, Joseph…”

“Shut the fuck up!” Joe rages, his skin crawling. “Don’t even try and get out of this!”

“You’re overreacting, again! Nothing has happened.” Jack yells.

“She was about to kiss you!” Joe screeches back and Jack rolls his eyes.

“Was she? Well, Joe, if she had tried to kiss me, you know what I would’ve done? I would’ve pushed her off, I would’ve told her no, but fucking surprise- you didn’t give me a chance! You still don’t trust me, you dickhead!” Jack’s raw voice bounces off the marble pillars and Joe swallows heavily.

“How do you expect me to trust you when I see you and her all over each other?” Joe can’t hide the disgust in his voice. “The girls you’re texting…”

“What, my friends?”

“You don’t flirt with your ‘friends’ Jack!” Joe explodes and Jack laughs emotionally, flicking his eyes to the sky.

“This is fucking ridiculous. You’re insane, you’re insecure and making things up that don’t exist.”

Joe shakes his head, his heart beginning to finally crack and becoming painfully aware of what was happening.

“I can’t do this anymore. I can’t live my life second guessing every girl that waltzes into our lives. Is she going to be what breaks us? Is she the one he’ll leave me for?” He berates but Jack smashes on, clearly wanting to fight.

“I’ve tried everything to make you see that she’s not a threat, and if you can’t see that, then it’s not going to work.”

Joe’s blood runs cold. “No.” He shudders, a sense of finality suffocating his voice. “It’s not working.”

Jack opens his mouth to continue, before realisation of what Joe’s saying finally kicks in and he’s looking to Joe with panic and fear.

“What the fuck?”

“I can’t live my life this way anymore, Jack.” Joe whimpers and hangs his head in pain. “We’ve been hitting a dead end for the last few months now, and this whole weekend has made me see that it’s not going to get any better.”

Silence.

“We’ve fucked this up, haven’t we?” Jack chokes, his eyes glistening in the moonlight and Joe wants to reach forwards and pull him to his chest more than anything, but it’s the sudden realisation that he’s losing Jack that makes him rub the back of his neck in devastated acceptation. 

“Yeah.” He manages to whisper and Jack looks at the floor; his body shuddering more with every breath. “Looks like it, doesn’t it.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Joe catches a glimpse of Oli nudging Caspar to look at them through the windows as Caspar’s eyes widen into blind panic. 

“I’m so sorry.” He tells Jack and his boyfriend drags his gaze up to meet Joe’s, tears freely pooling down his cheekbones. The blonde sniffs and presses his lips together to supress the crying.

“Me too.” Jack nods. “Sorry that we weren’t good enough for each other.”

This sends a sharp stab of pain through Joe’s chest. His heart shatters audibly into a million pieces as he exhales into a sob. Jack mirrors it and clenches his eyes shut to block out the image of his now ex-boyfriend breaking down on a balcony in Monaco on a Saturday night and because of him.

With an elongated sigh that acts a façade for Jack trying to pull himself together for a second, he continues with, “I’m heading back to England tonight then, so I’ll be gone from the flat by the time you’re done here in a few days.”

Joe nods. “Okay.” He wants to scream at Jack, wants to cry his heart out in front of all of these influencers, wants to tell them all to go and fuck themselves because he’s saying goodbye to the best thing in his life, ever, and it’s fucking breaking him bit by bit.

They stare at each other for a heartbeat before Jack’s biting his bottom lip and turning on his heels to disappear through the French doors. Conor catches him to swing one arm round his shoulders to guide his brother from the room as Jack starts shaking fully.

Joe opens his mouth to scream but then Oli’s there like he always is, a comforting and grounding weight that pulls Joe into his arms as Joe cries brokenly into his suit. Caspar plasters himself to his back and together they block out the world so that Joe can escape from the hurt that contaminates his veins. The three of them stand there for what feels like an eternity but is realistically two minutes; Joe can make out the voices of Josh and Mikey curtly asking people to go back inside and give them some privacy. Oli untangles himself from Joe to hold him by the biceps, his warm eyes searching Joe’s for something.

“J…” He begins but Joe cuts him off with a shake of his head. 

“Please don’t.” Joe begs and closes his eyes, his eyelashes wetly sticking to his skin and he aches to go to sleep, forever. “Just get me out of here, please.”

He feels Caspar sigh behind him and press a kiss to his temple before they’re each grabbing his hands and pulling him through the French doors and back through the party. All Joe wants is his sister, so he curses every God imaginable that her promo shoot had to happen over the same weekend as this clusterfucking event and every shitty thing that it had brought with it. People are staring at his red eyes and whispering about him and Jack from every direction and for once he’s thankful for Mikey and his brash attitude as he takes charge of warning people to mind their own business and get out of his way. The small group of supporters eventually reach the end of the room and Joe escapes out into the hotel lobby and for a brief moment he can properly breathe again. It’s only when he whirls around to search the faces of his entourage and realises exactly who he’s looking for that his lungs clench up again and his stomach drops. Marcus has joined them, flanked by Cal and for some reason Will, who has a haunted expression on his face and suddenly Joe realises why the Geordie is so closed off to openly talking about relationships: he’s done this before.

“Come on.” Oli’s grabbing him by the elbow and gestures to the stairs. “Let’s get you up to the rooms yeah?” All Joe can do is silently nod. Oli looks like he’s about to burst into tears himself as he wipes away a tear cascading down Joe’s jaw with his thumb.

“I fucking hate Monaco.” Joe tells him, his voice cracking with forced sarcasm and complete heartbreak. 

“Bro.” His best friend can only reply as Josh reaches between them to grab Joe’s hand and lead him up the stairs before any more party guests can stumble across them. 

Joe wishes so badly that he didn’t just let Jack leave to grab his stuff and fly back home so easily; that way he could barge into their room, wipe his boyfriend’s tears away and make everything better. He could beg him to stay and sort their relationship out, he could convince him that it really is just a bad patch, he could… he could… he could-

His heart lurches with emptiness, with loss, and he gags with the force of it.

Josh, Caspar and Oli march him into the hotel room and he doesn’t even have time to think before he’s on his knees on tiles, throwing up his guts into the toilet whilst Caspar rubs his back in large circles. There’s no trace of Jack left in the room; everything he brought to Monaco was completely gone. He’d probably thrown everything into his bag in a blind panic so he could leave without Joe confronting him but it meant that the room now felt cold, empty and suffocating. 

He feels so pathetic, crying forcefully into the toilet bowl as his friends swiftly work to keep it all together. Caspar takes a large blanket from Oli’s outstretched hands and covers Joe’s convulsing body with it, being careful not to touch his stomach as he softly and comfortingly rests Joe’s back against his front. They stay like that for what seems like years until there’s nothing left for Joe to throw up.

Caspar smooths his fingers through Joe’s hair and leans down to whisper in his ear.

“I’m gonna lift you, okay? Hold tight for me.”

Joe just whimpers as Caspar picks him up bridal style and walks into the bedroom to deposit him carefully into bed. Oli’s there, propped up against the headboard, and Joe grabs onto him like a limpet when Caspar’s put him down. He sniffles into Oli’s bicep, not understanding how he can be this exhausted but still able to cry this much. His stomach is aching- burning even- with tension and his heart is clenching in a vice-grip every time he breathes and he hates it- he hates everything; he hates Jack, he hates Andrea, he hates everyone Jack ever flirted with but most of all he hates himself. He despises himself for not seeing it coming and for not trying to fix the problems instead of fighting about them.

“You can go.” He hoarsely whispers to the guys. “I need to be alone right now.”

They all make worried eye contact over Joe’s head but Oli nods acceptingly and wriggles out from under him.

“You sure you’re gonna be okay?” He asks him and squeezes his shoulder. Joe blinks at him for a heartbeat before shaking his head honestly.

“It’s so fucking shit.”

Oli’s brave façade crumples and he bites his cheek. “I’m so sorry that I can’t make it better.”

Joe nods, tears still seeping from his crimson and swollen eyes.

“Yeah, so am I.”

Oli inhales sharply and hauls himself off the bed. “We’ll check on you throughout the night, okay?”

Joe closes his eyes.

“It will get better, Joe. Not today, or tomorrow or even next week, but it will. We’ll help you.” Oli tells him and Joe wants to believe him.

“Can you do me a favour?”

“Of course?”

“Please can you check in with Conor, and just make sure that he’s still with Jack? Just that he’s not alone or…”

There’s hands tucking the blankets and duvet around his shoulders and up to his chin- Joe feels like an orphaned animal that needs constant care from keepers not to feel abandoned or isolated. It’s a shitty feeling, and he’s never felt so alone in his life.

“Of course I will. Try and sleep, bro, and we’ll be here if you need us.” He hears Oli say and then suddenly he’s aware that there’s nobody else in the room and the temperature drops dramatically. Joe opens his mouth to desolately call someone back but he doesn’t want to ruin their nights any more than he has already done so he snaps his mouth shut. The sheets smell still of Jack’s cologne, of regret, and Joe’s floodgates open once more, his tears mingling with the heady lingering of Jack’s presence- two broken people in one broken world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaand that's the second chapter done! I cannot even tell you how much time and thought went into this chapter... I've been away a lot too so I've had to write double the amount in half the time! Btw- I have nothing against Andrea in real life, she's just got to be the 'villain' in this story! Sorry! Hope you enjoy this, leave a Kudos/comment if you did! Best wishes x


	3. Healing the scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The opinions of others have a huge impact on how decisions are made. Joe has to choose whether he listens to them.

The shrill buzzing of his phone is what rouses Joe from his empty state the next morning after he’s been awake for four hours, staring at Jack’s contact and wondering whether to call him or not.

“Oh thank fuck.” Zoe rambles before Joe can even say hello. “I didn’t know if this was too early, but you probably haven’t slept, have you?”

Joe just blinks at the wall, not really knowing what to say. Was there anything to say?

“I really wish you were here right now.” He tells her with a strained chuckle and Zoe makes a noise on the other end of the phone that sounds like she’s trying to keep herself from breaking down. 

“Caspar called Alfie last night after he’d put you to bed… Joe, baby, I’m so fucking sorry.”

“This isn’t how this trip was supposed to go.” Joe whimpers and slides further down into the bed to subconsciously hide his tears. “We were supposed to have the best weekend ever Zo, with our mates, in a beautiful country, at a prestigious party and in love with each other. He was supposed to love me-…”

“He does love you.” Zoe soothes forcefully and Joe slides his eyes shut, the bright light of the early morning sending his sinuses into overdrive. “And you love him, that’s what’s making this so much harder for the both of you.”

The soft duvet feels so alien to Joe. Nothing feels real, it feels like he’s in a bad nightmare, the worst nightmare, which he can’t escape from.

“It hurts.” He croaks to Zoe, wanting nothing more than his sister’s arms round him right now. “It hurts so fucking much Zoe and I don’t know what to do to make it better.”

He can hear a rustling from Zoe’s end that sounds like she’s closing a door behind her and then her voice comes back, firm and calm.

“I can be on a plane in about two hours to come and get you, if you want. Just say the word and I’ll be there.”

“No.” Joe shakes his head and clears his throat roughly. “There’s no need for you to do that, I’ll fly back later on today anyway. I’m not staying here, Zoe. I know I’m probably wasting an opportunity to grow my channel with all these creators but…”

“Not one person is going to blame you for coming back.” Zoe tells him gently. “Are you going back to the flat straight away though?”

The mere thought of seeing Jack so soon after last night sends crushing waves of anxiety through Joe’s organs. He swallows heavily.

“I know you’re busy this weekend with the promo stuff, but is there any chance I could please-”

“Let me know what flight you’re on and when you land and I’ll come and pick you up.” His sister swiftly cuts him off to save him the pain. “You’re my number one priority.”

“Thank you.” Joe’s voice feels scratchy and raw, his vocal chords truly battered from constant crying all night. His eyelids were like lead. “Love you.” 

“Love you too.” 

Joe hangs up and forces himself out of bed to throw his things into his bag. The world tilts over into dizzying focus and his steels himself with a sharp exhale. Closing the hotel room door after him gives him closure for a brief second before he’s looking at the lift they were messing around in the day before and suddenly he doesn’t feel so brave. 

Caspar opens the door to his and Ambar’s room with a sleepy confusion, his sweatpants hanging low on his hips- tiny unicorns adorning them like flowers. His eyes flit down to Joe’s bags, the cogs visibly turning in his head.

“I was just coming to check on you.” Caspar murmurs and moves to let Joe squeeze past him.

“I can’t stay.” Joe offers. “I was just coming to let you know that I’m going.”

Ambar leaps off the bed to envelope Joe in a tight hug, her blonde hair escaping her ponytail in curly tendrils, the fruity scent of it tickling Joe’s nose. 

“We’ll see you in a couple of days.” Her voice slides down the back of his neck like honey. “You sure you’re okay to fly home alone?”

Joe nods into her shoulder. “Zoe will pick me up from Heathrow. I’ll stay with her for a few days.”

“You’re doing the right thing. People will understand.” Ambar lets him go with a gentle nod.

Caspar wraps him up in his strong arms then, sighing deeply into his neck. “I’ll let the others know that you’re gone.”

“I gotta go.” Joe decides when he can feel more tears threatening his lashes. Caspar cups him under his chin to look straight into his eyes.

“Let me know if you need anything.”

“Will do.” Joe assures him and picks up his bag. “Thanks guys.”

His throws his key back onto reception and leaves before the wide-eyed receptionist can ask him any questions and then he’s back in a taxi on the way back to Nice, googling and booking flights back to London. 

He catches a glimpse of his face in the taxi’s rear-view mirror as they speed down the main roads and he has to do a double take to make sure the gaunt, hollow-eyed shell staring back is actually him. 

Because fucking hell, he looks haggard.

His cheekbones seem even more pronounced; his skin looking grey and sallow against the haunting purple rings marring his eyes. Bloodshot flicks dulled his blue irises and he looked bone tired. The person stares back at him with a dead expression and he couldn’t wait until he was alone in his business class seat away from strangers.

He arrives at the airport ninety minutes before his plane was due to take off so fires off some texts to Zoe to let her know when he would be landing and forces a bagel down his throat to calm the crashing waves of nausea in his stomach. Eventually, he makes it onto the plane and flops down in his private seat, feeling way too drained to sleep. Images of Jack’s broken face during the flight continue to stick in his mind like concrete blocks- not even the hustle of economy behind him doing anything to give him any peace from his thoughts. A few hours later, he’s walking quickly through security and out into arrivals, his eyes darting everywhere for a familiar face. 

He spots her right at the back and tries to blend in as he rushes to her, not wanting to draw any attention to either of them. Zoe’s got a hoodie on and big black sunglasses, mirroring his inconspicuous attire. They don’t hug; Zoe just grabs his bags as they hurry out of the large area.

“Somebody leaked videos of last night; your break up is all over the internet. Everyone’s talking about it.” Zoe informs him quietly as they rush to her car as a way of explanation. This sends a ball of fire through Joe- he didn’t even think about the consequences. He was just thinking about Jack…

As soon as their car doors slam shut, Zoe’s leaning across the armrest and pulling Joe to her chest in a hug. Zoe smells of cinnamon, of home, and Joe doesn’t realise how much he’s missed her until his big sister is holding him to block out the world.

“Oh kiddo.” She breathes into his hair and drops a kiss to his hairline. “Let’s get you home.” 

“You have no idea how glad I am to be with you right now.” He tells her, his cracking voice muffled by Zoe’s hoodie. He feels her sigh before she’s pulling back to study his face intently. 

“Same. When I saw those videos online last night Joe, I… I… God, I’ve never felt so sick.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t call last night.”

“Joe.” Zoe looks appalled by this and it makes Joe feel even worse. “You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about.”

He just nods mutely as Zoe smiles and turns to reverse the car out of the parking space. People look at them as they wander past but nobody does a double take which Joe thanks every imaginable religious figure for. It must be human nature, he knows, for people to nosily stare when they see people they recognise in the street- this time he’s lucky that sunglasses and an oversized jumper doesn’t make them stand out.

The journey to Zoe’s house is completed through tense silences, Joe clearly not willing to discuss matters. The electric gates swing open when they near the house and Zoe parks quickly. She opens Joe’s door for him and helps him out of the car, her worry conveyed into mothering touches which Joe doesn’t mind at all.

Alfie’s waiting on the front steps when they crunch over the gravel, vlogging camera in hand and Nala curled up on his lap. His ‘work’ smile falters when he sees Joe so he swiftly ends the vlog section with a throwaway comment before shutting the camera off.

“Fucks sake.” He mutters when he pulls Joe into his arms.

“I know.” Joe replies and clears his throat roughly.

His brother in law sighs and pulls him into the house by his hand.

“How about you try and have a nap?” Zoe enquires when she’s set his bags down. The thought of soft bedding sounded incredible.

“Sounds good.”

Zoe rushes off upstairs and Joe goes to follow her.

“Bro?” Alfie calls after him, looking decidedly uncomfortable when Joe turns around. “Don’t look online yet, okay?”

The breath in his lungs gets stuck for a moment like balls of tar; his throat constricting painfully as he forces himself to swallow.

“I won’t,” Joe replies with a, “thanks.”

Alfie nods and walks away with Nala trotting obediently beside him. Joe pads into the bedroom that Zoe had already prepared for him and smiles when he spots his sister arse-deep in the wardrobe, flinging soft blankets onto the floor over her shoulder. 

“Get in.” She points at the bed whilst still buried deep in piles of duvets so Joe obeys, toying off his jumper to slide into the bed, shivering slightly at the cold sheets. Eventually, Zoe falls back onto her haunches and holds up something triumphantly, but the duvet is obscuring Joe’s view and his head feels too tired to lift. His sister tiptoes over to drape something over his body and immediately, Joe recognises it.

It was a blanket he had helped his Nan to make for Zoe after she’d had her braces put on and was feeling very insecure about the new edition. Various knitted patchwork squares structured the blanket with yarn holding each square firmly together and he remembered painstakingly threading the needles for them to use; firmly concentrating on making his sister feel better. Age had frayed the edges and he was fairly sure his Mum had spilt wine on it once, but it smelled of home and comfort and he just wanted to bury under it and cry.

“Try and get some sleep.” Zoe whispers and threads a hand through his hair. “I’ll be downstairs if you need anything.”

“Okay.” He mutters back, blinking slowly in the darkened room when Zoe closes the door behind her. It doesn’t take long for sleep to finally take him, his world clouded over by needed rest, Jack only appearing in his conscience for a little while.

-

Two hours and twenty minutes later, Joe yawns awake; lethargic and disorientated. His throat feels like fire so he hauls himself out of bed to hunt for a glass of water. Downstairs is completely silent, apart from the swift tapping from the kitchen that signifies Zoe and a laptop. She looks up from the conservatory when he enters the kitchen with a small smile which he returns.

“Feeling better?”

“Not as tired.” Joe admits, filling a glass and then descending the stairs to join Zoe on the sofas. “Still feel shite to be honest.”

Zoe tilts her head to the side. “Expected.” 

Joe’s phone is empty of messages when he checks it; he desperately tries to ignore the disappointment he feels. Zoe chats about the promo work for a few minutes as Joe only half listens, something she is clearly mindful of.

He checks his phone again before throwing it onto the sofa with a sigh.

“Have you heard from him?” Zoe pipes up from over her laptop and Joe grimaces.

“No. I’m assuming he’s moved everything from the apartment now but it would be rude to check.”

“Hey.” Zoe forces him to look at her. His big sister looks so strong, in her beautiful house with her stable relationship and Joe envies her whole-heartedly. “It’s okay to be worried about him.”

Joe opens his mouth to argue but snaps it shut when Zoe gives him a pointed look. “I can’t just ring him.”

“Then ring somebody else who will know.” She says as Alfie appears in the kitchen with a mug of coffee, leaning against the counter with his hipbone. He nods slowly in agreement with Zoe.

“Zo-…”

“Little brother.” Zoe’s looking at him sadly, her eyebrows turned down with the weight of the world. “You know what you need to do.”

“It’s not my place.” He insists but Zoe’s sighing deeply and pressing his phone into his hands.

“It will never stop being your place.”

Joe’s aware that Alfie’s nodding slowly behind him, their logical thinking encasing him in a vice. 

“God I hate your practicality.” He sniffs and rises from the sofa to march out into the garden, Alfie comfortingly squeezing his shoulder as he goes.

The evening air is crisp against his skin as he circles the seating area with anxious thoughts running riot through his head. After scrolling past his contact seven times, Joe presses it and freezes, staring at the giant picture of Conor’s face in horror. The call connects, the duration of it increasing slowly in a reverse countdown, and then Conor’s voice is wafting through the tinny speakers in soft confusion.

“Joe?”

“Hey.” Joe forces himself to spit out, sitting down on Zoe’s garden wall heavily. “You got a minute?”

Conor pauses slightly before answering. “Uh, yeah, sure. I’m glad you called.”

Birds spiral into the sky from the nearby oak tree, making Joe jump. Their black bodies twist upwards like a tornado; mosaics of paint splatter marring the dusk sky. He clears his throat. “I don’t know what to say.”

“I’m gonna guess that you’re calling to make sure Jack hasn’t had a complete breakdown.” Conor chuckles faintly, his voice sounding too close to his professional one and it makes Joe even more uncomfortable. “So all I’ll say is to stop worrying.”

Joe swallows heavily. “Not sure I can do that.”

“I’ve got him. He’s asleep right now.” The older man explains gently, clearly reading Joe’s mind. “Which you should be doing, by the way, because you sound exhausted.”

The French doors behind him slide open, Zoe stepping out with a soft smile and a mug full of steaming tea. “Zoe’s got me on a sleep schedule, don’t worry.”

“You’re at Zoe’s?” Conor asks, his tone slipping to one of surprise. “I thought you were staying in Monaco until the end of the event?”

“How could I stay there, Conor?”

Conor’s silent for a heartbeat. “No, you’re right.” He admits. “I can’t blame you.”

“The weekend wasn’t supposed to-”

“No, I know.” Conor interrupts gently again as Zoe presses their sides closer together. “I know it wasn’t supposed to end like that. Joe… I can’t lie, I’ve never seen Jack like this and it fucking aches to see my baby brother in such a state but… I don’t hate you, I can’t hate you. I hate the situation, don’t get me wrong, and I hate what you’ve put each other through, but it was getting toxic, I know, and I guess you did the right thing by ending it in the moment.”

“I sense a ‘but’ coming, Conor…”

“You’re both idiots.” His friend concludes with a sense of finality and Zoe raises her eyebrows, obviously listening to Conor through the phone too. “You both love each other, like a fuck-off amount, and you’re throwing something away that could be fixed.”

Joe frowns. “Con…”

“I know it’s nothing to do with me and I know it’s not my relationship but- I can’t bear seeing you both so unhappy. Not when I know you’re making a massive mistake.”

Joe looks at Zoe for support, but the sadness radiating in her eyes means she agrees with Conor.

“What do I say to that?”

“You’re not disagreeing with me, which is a start.” Conor states with a sigh. “Talk to him, please.”

Zoe shifts uncomfortably beside him and Joe groans.

“Fucking hell, fine! If it will shut you up, fine.”  
“You know full well it’s the right thing to do.” Conor lectures softly. “I’ve got to go, I’ve got a Skype meeting in five minutes, but I hope to see you soon?”

“Bye, Conor.” Joe hangs up on him. Although Zoe remained silent, Joe sensed her exasperation. 

“Just please say it.” He tips his head skywards, the birds still circling around the lower trees.

“I think he’s right.” Zoe doesn’t look at him. Joe blows air between his teeth before replying, a headache forming at his temples.

“We’re just gonna end up screaming at each other again.”

His sister shrugs. “Maybe, but it must be worth a try.”

Joe can only hum back; a sense of dread creeping into his stomach at the mere thought of seeing Jack again.

-

Two days later, on the way back to London in one of their management company’s cars, Joe does something he swore he wouldn’t do.

He looks online.

A quick search of his name in Google brings up page after page from trashy online news sites, bellowing about his “explosive fight with fellow Youtuber” in Monaco. Only a few of them actually refer to Jack as his boyfriend- or his ex-boyfriend- and rage burns in his abdomen like an inferno. This is swiftly quashed, however, when he stumbles across the videos.

They are all just blurry snippets of two figures yelling at each other through glass. In only one or two could somebody tell that the figures were Joe and Jack, otherwise without the caption they could’ve been anyone. It was still a massive invasion of privacy, and the fact that strangers were watching them break up without being in the same room was sickening.

Eventually, the car comes to a halt and Joe departs with shaking hands. Their- his- apartment building towered above the busy traffic; looming into the sky into oppressive shadows. The air is dense and freezing when he lets himself in and throws his bags down into the deafening silence.

Joe doesn’t give himself time to dwell on the emptiness of his home. Instead, he’s straight back out in an Uber on the way to Conor’s England home. Ten minutes later, he’s taking a deep breath and knocking quietly on the door.

“Con, I told you-”

Jack opens the door with an annoyed expression, clearly expecting the visitor to be his forgetful brother.

“Hey.” Joe mutters to his dumbfounded ex, who is opening and closing his mouth like a fish. “Can I come in?”

“Uh…” Jack replies, his eyes darting around the apartment behind him so Joe pushes past and out into the spacious rooms. He looks horrific.

“What are you doing here Joe?” Jack asks tiredly when he’s closed the door.

“Conor told me to talk to you, and it didn’t seem right to do it over the phone.”

“I told him not to get involved.” Jack hisses under his breath and runs a hand over his face.

“So did I,” Joe agrees with a shrug. “But my sister agreed with him, so I’m here.”

Jack has the audacity to look offended at this.

“You didn’t come here at your own will then?” He growls and Joe snarls at him.

“Would you have done, if you were me? Three days after we broke up?” 

Jack just bites his tongue and stares at the floor so Joe takes a deep breath.

“I wanted to make sure you were coping, as well as wanting to talk.” He explains, his hands held up in a placating manner. Jack drags his gaze up to meet the other man’s.

“Are you?”

Joe snorts. “Of course not, are you kidding?”

The drone of sirens echo in the distance; breaking their eye contact. 

“I don’t know what you’re thinking anymore.”

“That’s ironic.” Joe scoffs incredulously. “You haven’t been able to read me lately? Well, if I was able to trust you, then maybe-ˮ

“I never cheated on you.” Jack’s face shuts off to school into a glare of absolute disgust. “How the fuck could you think I did?”

Joe throws his hands skywards and groans in annoyance. They stand just metres apart; tension thrumming through the apartment like thick smoke.

“How the fuck could you think I could trust you after your history with infidelity, Jack?”

“Fuck you!” He suddenly explodes, pushing Joe backwards roughly with one hand in the centre of his chest. All the breath in Joe’s lungs escapes him with a jagged whoosh. “Four years, Joe, four years of my shitty life I stood by you, and all of a sudden you never trusted me?”

Joe closes his eyes silently and shakes his head.

“I didn’t say that. I said I didn’t trust how you were speaking to those girls. You may think something is friendly banter, I think it’s cheating… we’re worlds apart, J.”

“Then doesn’t that mean that we misunderstood each other?” Jack snaps, his eyes burning with exhaustion and regret.

“It means that we don’t work together in that way.” Joe tells him, his voice already cracking and he inhales deeply to keep the tears at bay. “It just took us four years too fucking long to figure it out.”

Jack shakes his head roughly and turns to stare out the window for a moment. His stuff, still piled high in mismatched suitcases and boxes, litters the floor by his feet. Joe wonders how they could mess it all up so quickly. 

“You don’t mean that.”

“What do you want me to say?” Joe asks miserably and stuffs his hands deep into his pockets. “That we can try again? That I love you, more than I have ever loved anyone, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop? That fighting with you is painful and exhausting and stupid and I don’t want to do it anymore?”

“Yes. Exactly.” Jack whispers and moves forwards a step. “Tell me that you love me, that you can’t live without me and that this is ridiculous. Tell me that you miss me and I’ll tell you the same thing right back, Joe.”

“You really hurt me.” He replies with a breath. “The things you have done and the way you’ve acted has hurt me so fucking bad, J, you need to understand that.”

Jack’s mouth begins to shake and Joe looks away with a choked sob. “I know, and I am so sorry. Honestly, I never meant to hurt you. I should’ve listened to you when you were upset and I didn’t, I pushed you away because I thought I was right and you were overreacting.”

“I… I don’t-…” Joe stammers, words failing to express the confusion he felt. “Jack, we broke up. It’s over, we can’t…”

“Bullshit.” The younger man snaps and retrieves his phone from his pocket. He holds it up to Joe, the lock screen clearly visible. It’s the same as it’s always been: the two of them on the beach in Sardinia for their three year anniversary, golden and salt-wet and grinning hand in hand at the camera. Its Jack’s all-time favourite photo of the two of them and it puts a lump in Joe’s throat that he kept it there even after what had occurred. 

“You kept the lock screen.” Is all he can say and Jack nods vigorously. 

“I was going to change it,” He shrugs and ghosts his finger over the picture softly. “But then I was sat alone in our empty, dark apartment shoving my stuff into boxes as quickly as I could because Conor was waiting downstairs and I knew it was a mistake. All of this, it was a mistake. The only time I knew I should be packing four years of my life away was when we moved, together, into our first proper home that we’d bought. Not when you were in a different country and I was crying so hard I could barely see.”

Joe lets out a quiet sob then, his chest compressing agonizingly and Jack crumbles, rushing forward to let Joe collapse into his arms. 

“That was the moment I knew I couldn’t let you go.” Jack whispers into his ear. “So yeah, I kept the lock screen.”

London traffic buzzed beneath them; contrasting with the stillness of the apartment.

Joe pulls back after a heartbeat, feeling lost.

“What do we do now?”

Jack smiles shyly at him- that damn smile.

“We try again?”

Joe pauses before shaking his head and Jack’s features drop.

“Not at the same place we were at,” he quickly adds. “We can’t go back to normal and pretend we didn’t have this explosive breakup. We try again, because god I can’t live without you, but slowly.”

“Okay… okay. Slowly; we can do that.” Jack starts nodding confidently. He tentatively reaches forwards to wind his arms around Joe’s waist as they stand slightly swaying together. “What the fuck did we do?”

“Fuck knows.” Joe rolls his eyes and Jack laughs. “Let’s promise to never do it again, though?”

“Promise.” The younger man murmurs and then they’re kissing: slow and sweet and full of the love they nearly lost.

[A week later]

“He looks just like you.” Joe wonders aloud in awe, Jamie’s tiny fingers clutching his pinky with some strength. “Trust your baby to be late though.” He nudges Byron with his knee who just laughs good-naturedly. “Like father like son.”

“Piss off.” Byron rolls his eyes- hard- and Poppy slaps his shoulder in offence.

“Don’t swear around our two-day old baby!” She scolds and Joe chuckles. 

“He’s so cute.” Jack grins, the baby dozing cradled in his arms. Joe nods with a loving grin as they dote over Byron’s baby together.

“Oh yeah!” Joe suddenly remembers and looks up to Byron. “You know that chair that Mikey’s sister wanted? Well, long story short, she’s kicked her husband out so they won’t be needing it anymore… do you guys want it for the nursery?”

Poppy glances at Byron before answering: “Ah, yes please, if that’s okay?”

“Of course!” Jack retorts before carefully standing with Jamie. “Pops, do you wanna see where it could go?”

They leave the room in a flurry of quick-fire suggestions on where the chair could go and Joe smiles to himself.

“How’s it going?” Byron enquires, his timbre voice bouncing off the furniture. Joe grabs his drink from the coffee table and sips at it.

“With Jack?”

“Yeah, you seem happy?”

“We’re taking it slow.” Joe shares over the rim of his glass. “Like, really slow. It still feels like I’m walking on egg shells though sometimes but we’re together, that’s the main thing. It’s like the early days again.”

“What about those girls and Andrea?”

“I made it very clear that I didn’t want him to stop being friends with anybody because of me, but he decided that he wanted to put us as his number one priority and not worry about anyone else until we are fixed.”

Byron nods. “Smart man.”

“Yeah…” Joe looks down and scratches the material of his jeans with his nails. “I feel a bit bad because I don’t want to be controlling and tell him who he can be friends with but- I don’t know. He made a decision without me saying anything so…”

“I won’t lie; I couldn’t believe it when I saw those videos online. I didn’t know if it was fake, if it was just a fight and nothing more, I didn’t know what it was about… it was scary. I hope I didn’t offend you by choosing to give you space?” Byron shifts uncomfortably in his seat and Joe nearly chokes.

“What? No, man, why would you think that? God, please don’t think I thought you didn’t care. I appreciate you giving me time to sort it out.”

“Okay, good.” Byron sighs in relief. “I’m so glad you and Jack are back together though, bro. It would be too weird to no longer see you as package deal.”

Joe laughs with him and for a moment, it was like nothing had happened. They could’ve been back to the morning of the flight and nobody would’ve known any different.

“Monaco was fucking shit.” Joe suddenly exclaims slowly and Byron’s chest rumbles with amusement.

“Maybe it needed to happen for you and Jack to be shown that you belong together?”

Joe snorts. “God, you’re such an optimist.” 

“I’m a realist.” Byron counters pointedly. “There’s a difference.”

With a grin, Joe leans back into the sofa and sighs contently. 

“Either way…” His eyes crinkle with joy. “I guess you’re right.”

Byron leans back also to cross his legs, a smug smile balanced on his jaw.

“Of course.”

“Anyway!” Joe breaks the equilibrium for a second to look over at his younger friend, his eyebrows shooting up into his hairline. “I have to show you these shorts Jack was wearing at the pool party! Tell me you think they’re horrendous?”

There’s muffled laughter, followed by loud clearing of the throat and enthusiastic shushing noises. Then, a mock serious voice booms around the house:

“Jack? What the FUCK are those?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are done! Wow, this is by far the longest and most stressful thing I have ever written! I'm quite sad it's over but glad it's completed for y'all! I really wish it could've been longer and more detailed- maybe even slow burn- but I just don't have the time or mental capacity for that at the moment... maybe in the future!
> 
> Just a lil snippet of information for you guys, quite a lot of this is actually based on real life/personal experiences. The lock screen section hit particularly close to home.
> 
> Anyway, it's finished! I hope with all my heart you enjoyed it, pleaseee leave a Kudos/comment if you did as it honestly makes my day. If you have any ideas on what I could write next, feel free to let me know!
> 
> Hope you lovely people are doing well!  
> WritingYay x

**Author's Note:**

> This will be a multiple chapter fic- I'm aiming for three parts! I've already written good amounts of the other two chapters which will be much longer than the first one! Think of this first chapter as a prologue to (sort of) explain what's going to happen...
> 
> Strap yourself in for an emotional rollercoaster lads! I've really enjoyed writing this one and I sincerely hope you enjoy reading it.
> 
> If you did enjoy this short first chapter, be sure to drop me a comment or a Kudos as both are appreciated; they let me know if you guys want more or not!
> 
> Have the best day, WritingYay x


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